October 22, 2018

Valentines Day…REALLY, it is just another day…

OK all, I know what you are thinking, this is some single lonely gal who hates Valentines Day because she is single YET again for this special day.


Let me start by saying…Valentines is JUST another day, just like all the other 365 days in the year. It’s just another “Hallmark” holiday (ya know, like the infamous “Sweetest Day”, yes there is one of those in October). Though most of this post is FEMALE orientated, it goes for the guys too ladies!!

Here is JUST MY OPINION (everyone is allowed to theirs) ~

As sweet as it is to be lavished with gifts ~


A sweet card (if it fits, not just picked up last minute in the “OH SHIT, I FORGOT!!),but here is what’s better…make a card…personalize it…the simplest things that come from the heart FAR OUT WEIGHS any pricey HALLMARK card!


A box of chocolates, though enduring….ummm have you not noticed us eating healthier everyday to stay in shape, or all the ridiculous amount of time at the gym??? Do you really want to be stuck answering, “Do I look fat in these jeans?” Careful of your answer…your chocolates are to blame!!!


Jewelry, though very romantic (and costly) ~  do you know the difference of gold, white gold, sterling silver, tungsten, titanium, platinum?? How about our birth stone? Do we even like our birth stone color? Do we EVEN wear jewelry, and if we do, do you ever see us changing it up at all?


Flowers – yes it is the thought that counts (but Publix, really?) ~ I am not one for flowers, never have been. Probably because the most flowers I ever received was in the hospital. My first roses were there. Did I mention, I don’t like roses…my favorite flowers are baby carnations. Wanna know why?? Because they last the longest! I don’t understand buying flowers that die in a week. Laying in a hospital bed with tons of flowers around me (that give me a headache, no less) I watch as each type die…the ones that endured the longest…baby carnations!

Dinner ~ don’t we do this often…why not change it up…take me to the park and lets have a picnic, lets go to the beach and do the same…we can do dinner anytime…or how about this, EVEN better, why not either you cook for me or we cook together!


Another opinion of mine (my blog..my opinion…lol) ~

I look at it like this, if it takes you a NATIONAL HOLIDAY to confess your love to the one you are with, then maybe the one you are with needs to find someone else because apparently you didn’t get the memo…you should cherish the person you are with EVERYDAY.  You get 365 days a year to show your love, appreciation, respect, loyalty, faithfulness, trust, joy, laughter with this person! What makes you think, he or she, wants to only see it on Valentines, or their birthday, or anniversary? I am not saying that you have to go all out all the time…it’s the little things…doing something around the house for them (without them asking), leaving a sweet little note somewhere that they will eventually find it, and you walk by them let them know you know they are there (a touch of the back, quick kiss on the cheek, hell even a butt grab!). If you have kids, why don’t you take over for awhile so that the other can get a breather (single parents NEVER get this opportunity). Even the most simple THANK YOU goes a long way!!

Then I hear this “There are just SOME men out there who can’t express their feelings!”…OK REALLY!! You really want me to go there…OK, I WILL!!!

If you can’t EXPRESS your feelings by now….YOU ARE NOT A MAN!!! Grow up!! You seem to have no problem expressing your feelings when YOU NEED or WANT SOMETHING (or during your favorite sports season when your team is losing)! Don’t play that card, it’s over used, and the Joker on the card is obsolete due to it being played to often!! You might not be able to put into words what you are feeling, but figure out how you express you. You didn’t get with the woman you are with by STRICTLY BEING SILENT!!  Trust me!!!

OK, now to why this is such a big enough deal for me to write a blog about it…MY DAD!! My dad, to this day, shows in some way, shape or form…that HE UNCONDITIONALLY LOVES MY MOM! I believe he wakes up every morning wondering what he could do today to make her life just a little bit easier for that day. That is TRUE LOVE! I have the most beautiful example of true love right in front of me…are they perfect? No, Is their marriage perfect? No…but through all the obstacles, trials, and mundane everyday stuff…at the end of the day, my mom can go to sleep knowing my dad is still IN love with her after 41 years!

Now to the personal side of this….
I have yet to have an amazing guy do all the “simple” things for me. Do I believe that he is out there, of course, but am I sitting around eating Bonbon’s waiting for him to show up? NO! You see, my thoughts of Valentines Day were tarnished at the young age of 15. The boy I was just dating, took me out to the drive in movies (Wayne’s World…yep I will NEVER like this movie)…this where I literally had to FIGHT for my self respect, my dignity and  most of all, my virginity. I won, he lost badly! Did this event tarnish my outlook on Valentines Day? It did for awhile, but the more and more I saw different couples in my life express their love for one another…I realized it is NOT Valentines day that bothers me…it is the LACK of respect given to the ONES we love (male and female) on a daily basis that bothers me…ONE DAY DOES NOT MAKE UP FOR A YEAR!

Wow…what a journey!

I have gone back and reread a lot of my blogs and I have to admit…DAMN IAM ALL OVER THE PLACE!! I have come to realize in the past months (mostly due to being bed ridden after two major surgeries back to back) that I am severely depressed. I have the want to do things in my heart but my head could really careless. I do a lot of BS talk because I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me. No one understands just how much I hate hearing the same things over and over, the same questions, the same statements…I can write a book about all of it. The one thing I think people don’t understand is the more positive verbiage you say to someone (and that they hear from 50 other people) actually starts turning into a negative. People say things just to say things because they think it helps…being silent helps a lot more sometimes!  I hate answering the same questions…how many ways can you say “NO, no change.” When you do NOTHING day in and day out but sit in your four walls at your house (somedays not even being able to move) …and someone says “So anything new?” or “So what did you do today?” Really…I have given you the SAME EXACT ANSWER FOR THE PAST 16 MONTHS…and then they question your answer…and then get upset with me because I have nothing different to say. Well…if you don’t like what I say…stop calling me and asking me the same flippin’ questions day in and day out!!

As an update – I am no longer in college, I got screwed financially by Keiser and then I can’t get all the financial assistance I need from Edison to conitinue, so that is on the back burner for a while. I am at 17 months of being unemployed and I am completely FLAT BROKE. I have had a total of 3 major surgeries this year (Feb, Aug and Nov). Due to those surgeries I hgave gained 25 pounds, which only makes things worse for physically and mentally! I have applied for disability, but have yet to hear a word. I am so disgusted by the government, it’s not even funny! I have come to find out, YET AGAIN, who my real friends are. I am single, and plan on staying that way for a while. I am not happy with me, so how can I be happy with anyone else. My heart has been severely used and abused (mostly by me letting it happen) and is needing to just be left alone for a long time. I am severely depressed and yet I can’t be in front of my daughter, so I do A LOT of pretending!!

Yeah…so this is me right now…HOW GREAT!!!

Things happen…

As much as I can say NOTHING has been happening in my world…so much has been happening within me. I am learning a lot about things that I once thought I knew a lot about! (Does that make sense?) I am basically starting my life all over again. Venturing out into a new career, being back in college, about to have a TEEN in my home, being single again and being ok. I know God has a hold of me and of my daughter. I have realized why I have not been happy and I am working on fixing it. I have been asked by a friend to help her tone up, I am getting back at it too…back at eating right and being healthy for me and training with Amanda (who has been such a huge blessing in my life!)!! All I know is that even though I have been jobless for 7 months and dealing with huge budgeting strategies…I am looking forward to all the NEW in my life and saying goodbye to all the OLD!!!

Sick and Tired…and as a WOMAN u should be too…

Why is it that over the last decade out in the relationship world…things have changed…ROLES have been reversed, let me explain

  • Females are supporting males
  • Females are the ones doing the driving (due to the Male having no DL or no vehicle)
  • Females are the ones working multiple jobs to support their family (while the Males sit on unemployment, playing video games)
  • Females pay their way, almost all the time (I totally agree with going Dutch, BTW)
  • Females find a way to make time, even after working multiple jobs, cleaning, cooking, working out, taking care of her children…yet a Male needs his MAN CAVE time (notice female list did NOT include ME time)
  • Females will cook for you, do your laundry, run errands for you, even go shopping to buy a gift for your parents (or kids), YET a Male gets pissed if we ask to help us do something around the house.
  • Females pay their bills (priorties) first, while Males pay for their toys first.

This is just a tad bit (and I know not ALL females and males fit into this)

Yet…the one place things haven’t changed is in society (life and work)…Males still earn more money in the same exact career field. Males still hold more upper levels of management than females (yet most couldn’t do anything without their female counterpart). Males are still led to believe they are the better sex.

Funny thing is if males are the better sex….then why are males falling to the waste side? (Oh wait, is it because they have grown up to know that Momma (a female) will always take care of them, make sure that all is ok and boost their egos.

I am so sick and tired of this shit…

(ok enough for tonight…lol)

Being in the “SINGLE” category makes me realize…

That I truly want to stay in it!! Isn’t that sad!!

I was having a talk today with some girl friends and I came to this conclusion…for us SINGLE females, there are only 2 TYPES of guys out there….the ones who want you as “Just Friends w/ Benefits” or the extreme opposite…”It’s the all or nothing, lets jump into a serious relationship NOW”. What happened to the in between??  See I have also come to realize that guys could careless WHAT category they are in…AS LONG AS “THEY” are IN “YOU”!!

Then there is the whole…”well you wouldn’t buy a car and not test drive it first” line! Let’s see, the last time I checked, the guy I go out on date with isn’t spending over $20,000 on or for me. And neither one of us is bringing a LIFETIME guarantee into this, hell we’d be lucky for an extended warranty! LOL!! This though is what I have learned…if a guy doesn’t kiss me great…and I mean…gives me butterflies, makes me weak and makes me NOT want the kiss to ever stop…HE IS NOT GONNA BE GOOD AT ANYTHING ELSE!!

And one other thing I have learned….guys are complete cowards. Ya know the ones…the ones who will make up every excuse in the book as to why they couldn’t approach you. Rejection…blah blah blah…SERIOUSLY…who flippin’ cares…everyone is gonna be rejected by someone, grow up and get some self-esteem! If you don’t ask…you never know. I’d rather know than play the damn what if game!!

Oh and now that I brought up games…HA!! I love this one best!!! Ya know the guys who say they don’t want drama and are sick of the games. THEY ARE THE ONES TO WATCH OUT FOR! They just think they have perfected them…and I love it when I call the out…hee hee…I WIN! LOL! Also…I am blunt honest…I tell a guy right up front what I will NOT put up with it…and how I am. And I always say if you don’t like it…there’s the door, no one is making you stay.  All say that it is what makes them like me…but when they get caught doing something I won’t put up with and I show them the door and turn off all emotions…I get called a cold hearted bitch…hmmm…funny, I guess they forgot what I said in the beginning! Oh well, my life continues!!

Ok…enough of the single gal talk!!

P.S. Don’t get me wrong, do I want a relationship, sure…but I don’t NEED one!! 🙂