June 3, 2020

I hate 12/21/08….

So this isn’t gonna be the greatest of all blogs…basically just gonna get to the point of things!
Needless to say…I am not thrilled with where I am at in my training or with what my body is doing to me right now. I’ve gone so long saying why complain or say I am having a bad day or I’m in pain…because it’s FLIPPIN’ CONSTANT!!!  So what’s the point in saying the same shit over and over…it gets old…and it’s just negative talk…so instead…I grin and bear it. I suffer through each day. I act like NOTHING is wrong. I do ALOT OF FLIPPING PRETENDING! And for who…YOU….everyone that doesn’t matter…so I don’t bother someone…so GOD FORBID I might just LOOK in pain…DAMMIT…I AM IN PAIN!!! IT DOESN’T GO AWAY BEHIND A SMILE!
That day in the headline changed my life AGAIN…not for the first time but for the 4th…THE 4TH!!! Have I overcome odds…damn straight I have…but ON MY OWN…with my own strength, will and courage…without any pain meds (I take enough other meds as it is)!  No one sat by me throughout my hours of physical therapy twice a day…6 days a week….to wipe away the tears of pain that fell….I brushed them away with the sleeve of my shirt. No one drove me back and forth to painful doctor appointments…I did it…knowing I couldn’t take any pain meds to get me thru the ride home! No one came to my house and helped care for my daughter, help me cook dinner, help clean my house or do laundry (except my parents) when I was in so much pain I could barely walk or move, but I HAD NO CHOICE…I had to do it anyway!!
You see, I have had NO CHOICE, but to be a SURVIVOR (not a victim)…but to overcome obstacles. To suck it up and move on! But here is the thing…I am moving on…but I can’t move past 12/21/08!!
So here is where I am…
100 Burpees….did it twice…cuz I wasn’t happy with my time…5:07 is my newest…these are about the only thing I feel strong doing…these and push ups….everything else HURTS LIKE HELL RIGHT NOW and I have no clue why!!

Yesterdays WOD ~
Strength Work~
1×20 OHS @ 55lb  (hit 17 and my hip started to feel on fire and pop)
1×20 Back Squat @ 135lb (I only did  95lb due to what my hip felt during the last 3 reps of OHS)

Then 4 Rounds for Time ~
100m Overhead (35lb) Lunges
400m Backward Running (I walked)
30 Thrusters (45lb ~ bar only)
**Only made it thru 2 rounds at 12:36….my hip was on fire and I already knew I was overdoing it**

Today’s WOD
Strength Work~
1×20 Squat Clean @ 55lbs
1×20 Push Press @ 55lbs (changed out DL due to hip)
1×20 Bench Press @ 75lbs
**Didn’t do the WOD**
~~~My hip and back are completely jacked up and in tremendous pain lately…more so than normal~~~

Besides that…went to CF Games Qualifier

It was amazing the Elite Athletes I saw go after what they punished there bodies for all year long! I watched them set new PR’s and though they were competing against each other…there was still a HUGE sense of community and family among them!! THIS IS WHY I LOVE CROSSFIT!!

2:45am WOD

YEP…you read that title correctly…I did a home one knowing full well I would not fit in the WOD for today ANYWHERE!!! Unless I decided to 1) quit my job or 2) not go to the games!

So my WOD (I didn’t time it cuz to be honest, I really didn’t care…I know I started at 2:45AM and it ended at 2:57AM):
100 Push Ups
100 Sit Ups
100 Squats

I know it is no where near the strength WOD, but something is better than nothing.

My energy level is about completely deminished! I got nothing left. Today I am at work barely surviving! And I feel pulled in a thousand different directions! I wasn’t even packed to leave for the games until I went home on my lunch break. I am dealing with a borderline migraine…in which NO MEDS can help!

Well tonight, LL, her hubby, Tim and I head off to the Dirty South…can’t wait to watch the CF Games Live…to get a feel for them…to see what its all about and get it even deeper in my bones!!!  🙂

Unlike LL…I will NEVER see my AB’s! LMAO!!

Well…I will if someone wants to give me money for my tummy tuck!! But for 12 years I choose NOT to take care of me, to let depression rule my life and listen to doctors tell me just how much I COULDN’T DO! So I turned to food…and slowly my weight creeped up…from 1993, after my first accident til the light bulb clicked Jan 2005…I let myself go and my weight creeped all the way up to 275! After all that time, your skin just doesn’t WANT to snap back. I bet I have a 6 pack underneath, but there is nothing I can do…so when I look at my tummy now…it is a constant reminder to me of where I came from…what I fought for…and where I NEVER want to be again! I went from a size 24 to a size 6 (which I am sure would be smaller if I didn’t have the extra skin). My arms and legs are getting tighter and toner and so is my back. I do have a goal….here it is:
Goal weight: 140-145  (I’m between 148-152)         BodyFat%:  14

So today was MAKEUP DAY for a WOD…I decided to make up my TOTAL since I couldn’t do it because I screwed up my shoulder the day before during a WOD!

Overhead Squat ~ 100 lbs
Bench Press ~ 130 lbs
Clean ~ 95 lbs

Then onto the Strength Work:
5×5 DL @ 75% of 1RM (110 lbs)
5×5 OHS @ 60% of 1RM (60 lbs)
5×5 Clean @ 50% of 1RM (45 lbs)

Felt pretty good today…my left hip was agitiated today, along with my low back…actually it’s been in alot of pain lately, it is what it has been keeping me up. There are soooo many days I just want to stay in bed, but I push myself to get up and push through my pain…pain is sometimes more mental. I get up and take my 17 pills a day to function and pray that the pain subsides enough for me to make it long enough until I can get back to my bed later that day!!!

Pukey Puke Puke…

Yep…today was one of those days…everything I ate came right back up…so is there really a point to let ya know what my Food Journal is unless you truly want to know what I puked!!!

So today’s blog also won’t be a long one due to the fact that I am typing with only my right arm…since I screwed up my left shoulder AGAIN during my WOD tonight!

So cutting to the chase…

AMRAP in 20 mins ~
65lb Thrusters, 5 Reps
65lb Hang Power Cleans, 7 Reps
65lb SDHP, 10 Reps
(only made it 8:10 mins for 5 rounds before I felt my entire left shoulder shred apart)!!!

No strength work (THANK GOD)

CFE ~ 6 x 1/2 mi Bike Sprints
1-3:03    2-2:52    3-2:43    4-2:36     5-2:29     6-2:22

Ok…took meds…I am going to ice.

Back to the daily grind…

So I didn’t blog yesterday…mainly because my ass was sitting in a car all day and I think I have PERMANENT bruising on both ass cheeks!! In 4 days, I sat 25 hours in a car driving…my hip, butt and lower back are NOT pleased with me! But on the positive side…I DIDN’T take one pain pill the entire trip!!! GO ME!!! Though I did take all other daily 17 pills to function!! UGH…I hate meds!!

So I realized one thing I loved about Florida while being away….flat land is a WONDERFUL thing while recovering in a wheelchair, on a walker and cane!! HOLY CRAP!! I thought I had an arm work out here…my bi’s and tri’s would have looked even more amazing if I lived in Georgia throughout my recovery!! LOL!!!

Well I didn’t get home til 10pm, and I told Kev that I was going to do my WOD for the day once I got home! But by the time, I unpacked and got Adrianna settled for bed, it was almost 11 and I was done!! Though I laid in bed wide awake til almost 2am…my body couldn’t move…there was NO WAY IN HELL I was pushing out even the start of my WOD which was 70 Burpees!! HAHA…Adrianna would have found me on my bedroom floor in the morning!!

So I took my Coach’s advice (YES KEVIN I DO LISTEN!!), and changed my rest day…so my WOD will be later tonight AFTER I put in 2 hours of volunteer time after work at Adrianna’s school in the Science Room! Another long day for me! Plus Kev wants me to do some lifting tonight since while I was away I was ONLY doing body work.

Also today I go back and visit my pain management doc…not sure what this visit will entail…I want my FET results from March…but I doubt he even received them…I will probably need a flippin’ court order to get MY OWN paperwork!!! Gotta love work comp!!

Well…back to my daily schedule of being a mom (#1), training (#2), enjoying life (#3), and working (#4)! Will blog after my WOD tonight….Ciao!!