January 22, 2018

Oh The Questions I Get Asked…Part I

I get some pretty strange questions all the time and some pretty personal ones too! I am getting use to my life being an open book, whether I am having a bad day, just hit one of my goals, or just an average run of mill day…I am letting people see that I am only human, just like everyone else. I don’t think I am better than anyone, nor do I think that I am a failure.

After all, failure only occurs when you stop trying! I am going to list some questions I have been asked and I am also going to respond to them! I never stop trying, I might tweak it to make it fit better for me, or I might change direction or it might end up turning out completely different than what I pictured, but I never stop trying.

I am going to list some questions I have been asked and I am also going to respond to them!

 

Why are you squatting that way?

You might be wondering what my squats look like now! I definitely squat different than a person who has had no back or hip surgeries or injuries. Can I squat the same way that an Olympic lifter does, yes I can. But in order for me to do repetitive sets, at a solid weight, I have to tweak it. Sometimes my feet are farther out in front of my stance and I squat basically sticking my butt out and chest up. Another way is using plates under my heels. This way takes some pressure off, which helps me dramatically! I also never just push out squats as fast as I can; I use steady consistency throughout the entire movement, sometimes even holding the squat in the down position for a 3-5 count.  If I want to do explosive squats, I never do them with weight; I do air squats, which is still a good training for my glutes, hamstrings and quads. These even work my core.

Why don’t you ever tell me to do sit-ups?

It’s not that I don’t like them; there are just so many other core strengthening techniques that don’t put as much pressure on my lower spine and yield better results (I think).

You have chronic pain? But you don’t look in pain?

This one almost always gets me to laugh. My response, please explain to me exactly what pain looks like. I have learned to mask my pain with a smile. It helps me get through it. I don’t have time to be bed ridden, after all I escaped death 3 times…I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE…even in chronic pain!

How are you handicapped…you are so young? (Or I get the disgusted look and eye roll)

Yes, I am young, but I have had a handicap parking permit on and off since I have been 18. I have lived MANY years on a walker, trust me no 18 year old wants to have to depend on a walker! But it was letting me walk, something that I was told I would never do! I now have a permanent handicap permit and I don’t use it all the time. I use it on my bad days or when I know I will be walking for awhile because I just might not make it back to my car. You see, I can’t stand long on my left leg. Within about 30-45 minutes the throbbing starts and the stabbing pains kick in.  Then within 15-30 minutes after that all begins, my entire leg goes dead, completely numb. Yet my hip is completely ON FIRE. Then I start over compensating and my lower back then gives out. So yes, I am handicap in the eyes of my doctors (not the government), but I don’t consider myself handicapped, I just have limitations that I have work around.

Oh, you were injured in the line of duty? You must be very well taken care of!

OK…I have one word….HA!!! Not even close! That so called family, the “Brotherhood” you hear about…cut the umbilical cord the night of my accident. I had to literally fight for everything; my paycheck, my healthcare, I was even cut off early from physical therapy before I could walk because I was told it wasn’t necessary. I was forced out because I became a liability. The agency I worked for is not part of a union, so the Sheriff dictates how things are run, he changes the rules to FIT as he sees fit. I resigned after 10 years of dedicated service without even a thank you. So, no I am not taken care of, actually if it wasn’t for my family I would be homeless and many of days my daughter and I would gone without food.

Update

Well I don’t have much to write about since my doc has taken CrossFit away from me until I see him this Friday!! I had my second procedure and it made things extremely worse!! Both my legs go numb now for absolutely NO REASON and then the weather on top of it has not been nice to me! So I can tell I will be hating summers (w/ rain) and winters (w/cold) for the rest of my life!! So time to suck it up and deal!

I had my 18 month follow up from my accident last Tuesday and my ortho doc put me at MMI (Maximum Medical Improvement). I am as far healed and recovered as I ever will be and that I will NEVER be returning as a deputy! 🙁  But I came to being ok with this almost a year ago!! But it still absolutely sux to know that the dream you had for 14 years and achieved is gone in a blink of an eye!!

As for the rest of my life…I have some HUGE decisions to make regarding my future and financial state for me and my daughter. I had this NEW SPARK come into my life for a new dream/goal…but me being the analytical person I am…things are happening that I might have to leave that dream behind. I am doing a lot of praying and seeing if this is truly what my future is supposed to be! All I know is that I will do whatever is right for me and Adrianna.

I hope I get the ok this Friday that I can restart my WODs come Saturday!!! But I will be doing it just every other day…with maybe a CFE on the off days!!! And gonna start some open water swims!

While driving….

So I am just having some thoughts while sitting in the car driving up north for my little mini-vaca and I thought I would put it to paper (or to screen….lol)!

For the past 14 years of my life (from the age of 18 to 32) I had ONE dream…and that was to become a cop. I did everything I could…I fought, struggled, and succeed. And in 10 short weeks after becoming certified my amazing dream and being on cloud 9, became my worst nightmare! I have been living with this nightmare night and day. You see I am opposite, I don’t dream when I sleep…in which, actually I am fully grateful! It is bad enough to LIVE your nightmare throughout the day…so the only time I didn’t was when I slept (which isn’t very often).

Well it was just until I started CrossFit that I finally started refocusing my thought process. I started focusing on what mattered most…ME and MY DAUGHTER! You see, nothing else in this world matters but YOUR FAMILY! I needed to REFIND my happiness! I needed to REFIND Sue! I needed to FIND my flame…a desire again…a NEW GOAL…a NEW DREAM!

And I did!!! I have a desire and a passion…and I am going full force into it! I am praying about it a lot! I have talked it over with the most important person that it is going to affect (my daughter) and she is my NUMBER ONE supporter and encourager!! I have also only shared my DREAM and VISION with a select few…and all are standing behind me AND with me on my NEW VENTURE! I don’t know when this NEW VENTURE will blossom (heck the last one took me 14 years), but I am ready for it when it does!!!

ANDI FLIPPIN’ CAN’T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The first…to get to know a little about me!!

I am so STOKED!!! The time is FINALLY here!!! I NEVER thought it would be to tell the honest truth!!! Let me give you a little backing….

I have a friend, Kevin, out in Fresno, California who turned me onto CrossFit back in early 2008…it’s all I heard from him!!! He is a firefighter out there and has opened his own CrossFit FTF gym in Fresno. At the time, I was in the law enforcement academy and decided it wouldn’t be a good idea to start while in the academy, so I decided to wait until after I graduated (Sept 2008). Then after speaking with Kevin, we decided that it would be better for me to wait until after my Field Training (16 weeks), to really start because my schedule would be literally ALL OVER THE PLACE! So come the first of the year (Feb 2009)…I would be a CrossFitter for life!!! I couldn’t wait…I couldn’t wait to see what it was going to do to my training for my triathlons (I had a goal…an Ironman in 2010!!!). I couldn’t wait to see what it was going to do for my body as a whole…health wise and physical wise…I couldn’t wait to push my body to it’s limit and BEYOND!!

Well then December 21, 2008 happened…

I was severely injured in the line of duty. I was hospital bound for a month, stuck in traction and ended up having 6 surgeries in 2 months. At the end of it all, I had 4 pelvic fractures…2 in the front that are now being held together by a steel plate and 2 at my sacral joint on my left side being held together by 2 very long screws. I also had a brain injury that I am still dealing with, but am blessed that it was to the front section of my brain and not the back part!! I was wheelchair bound for a while, then on a walker and then a cane and now I am walking (with a limp, but I am walking). (Also a little more background…this was not my first severe accident…in 1993, I suffered 9 pelvic fractures, a broken tailbone and was filleted open all over my left side…I almost died and was hospital and bed bound for over a year and had to relearn how to walk all over again, I was 18. Then in 2000 (at 25), I severed my spinal cord, which is now fused from L3-S1, and had multiple facial injuries which required multiple surgeries.)

So that leaves me to now…it is almost 17 months POST accident….and I made the call to Kevin, with A LOT of hesitation, but I HAD NO CHOICE, I needed to do my own recovery and rehab since workmans comp wasn’t paying for physical therapy. I needed CrossFit to see what it could do for me and what I could do around my limitations!!! I was not going to let anymore Dr’s ONCE AGAIN tell me I couldn’t do something!! (I listened to it SOOOOO MANY times before). So needless to say…I have NO DOUBT in my mind that I’m going to be a CrossFitter for the rest of my life!!

Then it was time to do some serious thinking….

Here is what I know:

I know right now that I take TOO MANY MEDS!!! I am in CHRONIC PAIN! Will that ever go away…I don’t know…but this is what I do know…I want to get off of them…I hate them!!! I hate being tied to them!! I hate bone injections…I hate ANY injections for that matter!!

I know that this is NOT going to be easy…that I WILL be sore…HELL I haven’t used these muscles in over a year!! They have no clue what they hell I am doing to them, atrophy sucks. But what I do know is that there is a thing called “muscle memory”…our body is amazing when it comes to that!!

I know that there will be days that my body will want to “shut down”…but that is when my MIND has to tell it other wise! MIND OVER MATTER!! I know what my limits are…I know what the difference between uncomfortable pain and REAL TRUE PAIN is.

I know that I have to make sacrifices. (But haven’t I already) Haven’t I sacrificed for 17 months my emotional and mental well being??? NOW IT’S TIME TO GET REFOCUSED!!! Set new goals.

I know that I will never be the same. I know that I might never run the same, bike the same, or lift the same weight amounts. BUT this is what I do know…I am finding the new NORMAL for me…maybe there is a NEW way of running (CrossFit POSE style…can’t wait to try this one out…a tad scared), instead of my Trek…I might have to sell it and get the sit down style bike, and as for lifting…my upper body is strong…you be on a walker carrying your weight around for 5 months…YOUR ARMS WILL LOOK AMAZING!! (LMAO!!)!!

So…how did I come up with my Blog Name, here it is…I am excited about where my life is heading….at least personally!!! It takes dedication, commitment, sacrifice…but most importantly for me it takes courage (ask anyone who sees me try something on my left leg for the first time since the accident…FEAR IS WRITTEN ALL ACROSS IT!), but I am willing…after all I am, as the guys say, “THE BIONIC WOMAN“!!!