November 19, 2017

Giving In and Giving Up, IS NOT AN OPTION!

give up 3 There are times in life when all you want to do is give in or even worse give up. I think I know this feeling better than most, unfortunately. There were many of times in my teen years that I wanted to just give in…give in to peer pressure, give in to being the best daughter possible, give in to friendships/relationships that were not healthy. Then I hit 18 and wow, did all that change!

Yes, at the early age of 18, I learned how NOT to give in or give up. What was acceptable to put up with and what was not. How a person should be treated and how you should treat others.

Are you wondering HOW I learned all this so young? Easy, almost die and battle way your back from the grave for almost 2 years and you learn a lot! 

nightmare

After my car accident on Christmas Eve back in 1993, my life changed forever, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. How could it not! But there was a fork in the road. The fork was, do I get bitter and negative about what the accident did to me and my life or do I look at it as a blessing and become positive. I battled with this for about 6 months, 6 months of doing the bitter and negative road. 6 months of being mad at God, being mad at my doctors/nurses/physical therapists, being mad at parents/family/friends…just all around being an angry person. Being stuck in a hospital bed will do that to you and not just stuck there, but being unable to move your entire body except your head and arms. Just watching people WALK in to my room pissed me off. The worst phrases said to me were “Just stay positive”, “It could be worse”, “at least you are still alive” or the infamous question “how are you?”… how are you

REALLY, do you want me to seriously answer that question truthfully!? Could you even handle the blunt honest truth of that answer?!

 

Then Kevin happened! No Kevin was not a new boyfriend; he was not of any love interest of that kind. But I did love him and besides my parents, I owe him a lot! Kevin became my night nurse. I barely ever slept and since I was the youngest on the floor (literally by like 60 years), he spent a lot of time in my room in the middle of the night just sitting with me and talking. Not telling me how I should feel or telling me to stay positive, but just being there. We talked about everything; we even talked about my accident. Something I never did. You see, I couldn’t remember much about it, but what I did remember were things I wish I could forget. Those memories are forever seared into my brain, my life. But here is where I owe Kevin a lot. One morning after a night shift and an extremely painful night for me (physically), I woke up to find only one thing written on my white board in my hospital room. Typically that white board had my instructions for the day, what tests I had scheduled, what time my physical therapy appointments were, my day nurses name and phone number, etc. But not that day…that day I woke to find just this:

phil 413

Now go kill it! Signed….Kevin

I had no clue Kevin was a Christian, I had no clue that he knew The Bible, I had no clue that when I did sleep he prayed over me.

I also woke to my dad sitting in a hospital chair right beside me; Kevin called him and told him I would really need him today. He was right!

This is when I decided to barrel down the side of the road of bitterness and negativity to the road that led to something greater…the road of my new life!! It literally was like a switch flipped and this new person appeared. I was no longer this weak fragile shell of a body in a hospital bed. I was determined, I was positive and most importantly…I was filled with life again!

That is when progress happened. My board never was wiped clean and nothing new was ever put on it. My days were filled with physical therapy, even when I was told to slow down, I didn’t. I had a goal! What was it? To walk again! I didn’t care if it meant with assistance, with crutches, a walker…I didn’t care. I was not being labeled by society and deemed an outcast because of this new life I was embarking on. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, that there would be many difficult days ahead of me, but I was ready to hit them all head on and be the one standing at the end.

Here is where I lost a lot of people in my life. Remember in the beginning I said how giving up and giving in is not an option. Here is where I tell you it is.

Confused yet?

Let me explain. It is NEVER ok for you to give in or give up when it comes to YOU, but it is absolutely ok to give in or give up on someone or something that is making you doubt your abilities and yourself. I have learned that life is too precious to care about hurting someone who is already hurting you. To worry that if you don’t give in to the way people want you to be, you will be alone. That if you aren’t doing, saying, being that perfect person at the perfect time, no one will love you.

Guess what!!!

Whether you do all of that or not…it will never matter. People will still come to their own reason or rationality on why they either like you or don’t, or if they choose to love you or not or if they even want to be a part of your life through the good and the bad. But here is where you get to have your say…you get to choose if they like you or don’t, if they will love you or not or if they stay or if they go. It’s all up to you. No one else holds the reigns in your life. The path you take is up to you. The decisions to be made are yours to make.

So it all comes down to this…

Never give in or give up on you…but it’s ok to walk away from the ones who have given up on you.

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Stop talking and starting doing!

now blog Why do so many people say things, but never do things?

There’s that famous quote “easier said, then done”, but I feel like too many people use it as an excuse to just get by. Why on earth would you want to JUST GET BY in life?

easier said blog There have been many of times that is exactly what I wanted to do and it is exactly what I did do. If I look back on my life so far, the moments of risk taking are the ones I remember. The only “just get by” moments I remember are ones I want to forget.

I think one of the most amazing moments of risks I have taken was becoming a mom and a single mom at that. I give props to the parents who are doing it on their own. Not just the single parents either, but the parent here on the home front while their spouse is defending our country and freedom. The stay at home parent, that doesn’t get enough appreciation for making the ship sail smooth. Yes, I, a single mom, is giving props to parents who’s partner is bringing in a paycheck but is physically hardly ever there. It takes more than money to run a home and love a child.

Even though at 23, I wasn’t ready to become a mom, I will never regret the decision I made, nor will I ever look at her as a mistake. She is my blessing and my miracle, especially after being told I could never have children at the age of 18. We have taken many risks and challenges in the last almost 17 years together. Without her, I might not have had the guts to take a leap in faith or sometimes a massive jump!

road There are times when the road ahead of you seems daunting, heck you might not even see the road! This is where the rubber hits the road, so to speak! This is when your faith, not in life, but in yourself needs to shine brighter than your fear. It is time to believe in yourself, believe you have what it takes and believe that no matter what the outcome may be (good or bad) you are still ok.

This goes with all areas of your life, not just certain areas. Don’t pick the ones you THINK you can do or handle. Get out of your comfort zone, do things you never thought you could do, trust yourself, believe in yourself and most of all LOVE YOURSELF!

Why it’s OK to be human

human word cloud Yes, you read that correctly…

We ARE human…you, me, the guy sitting next to you on the bus, the woman trying something new at the gym, the toddler screaming in the aisle at Target, the elderly couple holding hands on the park bench. We are human…we are flawed, we have scars, we love, we hurt, we have opinions and thoughts, we fear, we have strength and courage, we have pride, we have insecurities…everyone, everywhere….we are HUMAN!!!

Are you wondering why I started this blog in this fashion? What does it have to do with me? With her? With anything?

Easy! I have seen and read WAY TOO many people think they have to be perfect. That if they could just be like so and so, they would be happier. If they had those legs, that butt, those abs, her hair, that job, those clothes, his car…things would be better, be easier, be happier.

What you don’t take into effect is how many of those people, look at you (or a version of you) and wish the same thing. Just because on the outside things look like what you want…you have to really stop looking on from the outside and focus on what truly matters…the inside.

I know, you are thinking, way easier said then done.

If you can remember one thing…it will take you far ~ No one is perfect AND no one expects you to be either!

We expect perfectness from ourselves, which in turn makes it seem that we expect that from others. But just like we make mistakes, screw up, fail, falter…so does everyone else. What really shows the character of a human, is what they do with those negatives!

With saying that, being human means LIFE gets in the way sometimes. You might be dealing with the loss of a loved one, being unemployed, dealing with a medical condition or injury, taking care of a very sick loved one, being abused in some way, BUT here is the one thing that we seem to forget, without taking care of us first…we can’t deal with life when it gets tough.

So let me give you the advice I give myself…

stop2 STOP!!!….

STOP trying to be perfect.

STOP trying to be someone you aren’t.

STOP forgetting to live life and enjoy it.

STOP living in the past, which is hindering your future.

STOP not LOVING yourself.

YOU ARE HUMAN…and you are perfect in being human, just the way you are!!!

It’s OK not to have a sculpted body, not to eat perfect at every meal, to miss the gym, to say no when you really want to, or to not wear make up or do your hair (every once in a while).

Remember, there is NOTHING WRONG with being human, when others can’t see past the outer view of you, they don’t deserve to get to know the inner view of you!

human quote

Things I Get Told OR Overhear

don't judge meCareful ~ you might be shocked by the statements or my answers to them!

People on the Internet ~

“It’s easier for you to do eat healthy and workout out…it’s your job!”

Let me first say this, THIS IS NOT MY JOB, it’s my lifestyle. I don’t get paid to eat healthy, workout, meal prep, etc. But would I love it to be MY JOB…HECK YEAH!! But with that comes more accountability!

“You don’t know what it’s like to be a mom/wife/full time worker.”

You must not have read MY STORY, been on my page long or live in a world full of rainbows and unicorns! First, I am a mom, oh yeah and I am also a dad. Full time, 24/7, no breaks, no breathers. As for a wife, no, I am not…but I am dating someone, which means finding time for us, since we both have separate homes in different cities. I don’t get to lay in bed 5 minutes longer while my partner/spouse/boyfriend, gets up to make breakfast or take kids to school. And as for work…yes, I work full time besides being a full time mom AND dad, who do you think pays the bills?

“You already make money off your Facebook and Your website, so why do you promote money opportunities for yourself?”

If you run a page, then you are probably laughing at this because you have heard it a thousand times. Let me inform you all, 99% of Facebook Pages are run absolutely for FREE. We don’t get a paycheck for it; we use OUR personal time to engage in your life. Why? Because we love it, we are passionate about what topics our pages are about. As for my website, I will tell you I have made $1.87 in 7 months! WOOHOO!!! I can’t even get a cup of coffee for that! But I CAN tell you how much I have SPENT on it to keep it running for you to sit there and complain about all the money I am making from it. If we add in monthly domain fee charges, web admin charges, electric to run it, internet to get it out to you, then the TIME (which personally is PRICELESS) I put in to do it….yeah easily $100 a month…if not more and that is not calculating in MY TIME.

People in Real Life (STRANGERS) ~

“Why does she get to sub out certain things and I can’t?” (referring to training)

Why? Oh I don’t know because I was told I would never walk again THREE times, I was also told I would never be able to squat past parallel ever again. Why? Because I am not really in the mood to FUCK up what the doctors fixed in order to please who is watching. Nor do I feel like reinjuring myself to prove something to someone who has no importance in my life. Oh, but trust me, when my body allows me to do things again without tweaking them…I WILL do it and I will be smiling ear to ear!

“Why do you feel special enough to park in a handicapped spot?”

Special, that’s a new word. I am so honored you find it “special” that at 37, I have a permanent handicap parking sticker. My doctors wanted me to have it at age 18, but I refused. There are days that I park where every “non-special” person parks because my body is feeling good and is agreeing with me. Then there are other days that I know just going to the grocery store for a few items is going to be the hardest thing to accomplish and I do it praying that my hip and left leg doesn’t give out on me. The one thing that is WAY different of me than most 37 year olds, is that I personally own a cane, a pair of crutches and a walker since I have been 18 years old. And to this day, my cane is never too far from me.

“That’s just disgusting.” (referring to my tattoos)

If you are a part of my Facebook Page, you recently saw a post just about this topic! You see just last week, I had an elderly gentleman make this comment, while eyeing my tattoos and shaking his head. My response to him was this, “No sir what’s disgusting is you…your judgment on someone you don’t know…and for your information, I have a tat for every surgery I have had due to being injured in the line of duty. I took an oath to serve and protect disgusting people like u, so you are welcome…have a good day.” I love my art work; it represents so much to me, the struggles, battles, accomplishments, achievements and goals in my life. Like my dad once said, I would rather have my daughter alive and fully tattooed, then having to visit her grave-site. NOW, THAT PUTS THINGS INTO PERSPECTIVE!

don't judge

So why have I decided to write this? Well easy, because no one knows someone else’s journey. Someone’s outside doesn’t depict who they truly are on the inside. Give them a chance, let their inside catch up and shine and you just might be surprised!

Let The Truth Be Known

Tough-Times-Quote

I thought I would do a little heart to heart blog. As I think these are just as vital as putting out information.

Since the beginning of 2013, I have been hit every which way emotionally, mentally and physically. And the one thing I didn’t want to happen…HAPPENED…I gained weight. The scale number is not what really bothers me, it’s how I feel in my own skin and in my clothes.

I have dealt with a huge emotional turmoil with my daughter, then to deciding to sell my house and it closing so quick I had only 15 days to find a new place for my daughter and I to live and pack up my entire house by myself, move and unpack.  To having my hours cut at my job that didn’t even pay the bills before the cut.

You see, let me get you in my head for a bit…hold on this could be scary!!

When I weighed 275, my self-esteem was in the negative, not even at a baseline of zero. I hated being me! I hated my own skin, my own body, everything. I hid behind oversized baggy clothes.

Then I lost HALF OF ME…I hit 138 and I hated how that looked too. I finally found a place where my mind agreed with what my body showed.

Now fast forward to this year…I have gone from a happy size 7-8…to a very unhappy size 12. (I use to be a size 24). My bras don’t fit like normal; things don’t lay across my body like they should. I am disgusted with myself.

weight gain

BUT HERE’S THE THING…this is where your mental state of mind can destroy you! The way I felt at 275 is EXACTLY how I feel now at 175! I have gained 15lbs in over 3 months, yet in my mind it feels like I regained every pound I initially lost!

So where does this leave me?

I am now dedicated this month to getting back on track mentally…if the weight follows, GREAT; if not, I know I am at least MENTALLY back in the game!