February 17, 2020

I will NEVER understand…

I will NEVER understand one thing. How can someone say they sincerely apologize for what they did, but follow it with “in my heart I don’t believe I did anything”. Doesn’t the last statement take back the sincere apology? How can you be sorry for something you believe you didn’t do?

Now I know you can believe you did nothing wrong and apologize for how you made the person feel. But to say the word BUT after an apology, is a slap in the face all over again. You might as well just say “you are not worth an apology and I don’t care if I hurt your feelings.” It’s just as bad when people add BUT after saying I love you.

I do believe in saying the word BUT after I love you…only though when you are doing it for the better, I will give an example. I can love someone or even be IN love with them, but if they cheat on me or physically/emotionally abuse me, I’m out! So here is what I say “I love you, BUT I love me more.”

Now a days there are soooo many people in relationships to fill a void, an empty space. They don’t even love themselves, and if that is true, there is NO WAY you can love someone else FULLY!

Over the past couple of months, I have learned to fall in love with me. I am in love with an amazing person, who goes after the impossible (and makes it possible), that never gives up (if I fall or stumble, I getup and dust myself off and continue on), that strives for a better day every day (what else do you have to lose), who smiles through tears (and pain), who thinks of others before themselves (but not to the point of being a doormat), who will do anything for their child (yes, ANYTHING), who believes that there is no word as CAN’T or NEVER (too many people…like Doctors…throw these words out there not realizing the damaging outcome it is doing), who encourages and supports people they know and even perfect strangers (I pray that my words are encouragement…you never know who you might make an impact on)….So yes I love me…and here’s the thing…it makes me not NEED someone to love me. Do I WANT someone…sure…who doesn’t, but I want someone who makes me even better, who I can share this thing we call life with. But if that never happens…I already have the greatest of all loves…the love of my Heavenly Father!!

OMG!!! It’s happening!!! STOKED!!!

The beginning of my new life, my new career is starting. My new venture and journey officially begins Monday!!! I am so stoked, a tad nervous, but I couldn’t be more blessed!! I already have been blessed to live out one dream and passion of mine. Though that dreamed turned into a nightmare, it also was a HUGE blessing in disguise!! My new journey will give me more time with my daughter, which to me is ABSOLUTELY PRICELESS!!

I am also back on a training schedule. I am so blessed to have Amanda, not only be training with me, but encouraging me, motivating me, and praying for me. I always believed that God put certain people in your life for a reason…an awful situation led me to meeting Amanda, and from there our friendship blossomed and I couldn’t be more blessed!!

My life is good and I am loving it…and I love that God let me go through all the obstacles and climb all those mountains, so I can appreciate even the smallest of things!! I recently got out of a really unhealthy relationship, God also showed me that I don’t deserve to settle, that people will say things to ONLY make you feel the way they do. God also made me see that I am going to be having a full plate for the next 2 1/2 years and I need to focus myself and my energy on that and most importantly my daughter. There is NOTHING more important than that!!!

The best ME day!!!

I had the best day today. Did a lot of trail hiking and enjoyed a lunch by the river. Nothing like getting out of the city into the peaceful nature that is never too far!! I hate when I get caught up in this thing we called life…and forget all about the FREE things God has given us to enjoy everyday!! Today was a blessing!!

So…I had to get back on here!!!

So it has been a very long time since typing a blog! Especially one about myself and where my life is heading!! I was going to start a whole new page, but since I still am the BIONIC WOMAN and all this is a part of who I am…I am continuing on from here!!

So this is me!! I am in such an awesome place in my life right now! God has so richly blessed me!! At the end of July, I had some medical issues that came back w/ all negative results and I got things taken care of! To August, walking away from a dream/goal of mine. Then a month later, finally leaving by dream career in law enforcement. I was a mess, a complete and utter wreck. But over the weeks following all of those decisions and obstacles, God has restored me and shown that through all the hurt, heartache and trials…that He had the controls the entire time…He knew what He was doing…and what I thought was hell has turned into complete heaven!! All the stress and drama is gone…I wake up everyday enjoying my life, loving my daughter, knowing that each day is mine to take and make with it what I choose!! I TOOK MY LIFE BACK!!

So this is it…I am back to my training. It is going slow…but I already made strides in my cardio!! I am able to make it 15 miles on my bike before my entire left leg goes numb and I can go 35 mins on the elliptical!! That may not sound HUGE to you…but OMG…it is a milestone for me!! I got to start strength training again to…starting slow. I am not doing any Olympic lifting like I did in CrossFit (the reason why I took down all my lifting stats), but I am still doing CrossFit body weight work. After all I LOVE MY PUSHUPS!!! I have no desire to train and compete in the CF Games…it would literally wreck my body…I already had issues with my metal, and I never even made it to the intense part of training. And my LIVING my life is so much more important than that! I am going back to my triathlons…but will only be doing ones for charities, not competition. After all, its not about the competition for me anymore…me just finishing one again, is way more of an accomplishment than any 1st place trophy/medal could ever give to me!! When you are told more than once in your life that “You will NEVER walk again”…and you prove them wrong in such a BIG way…your view on things change!
In my blogs from now on, who will read about my life, my journeys, my training, but mostly importantly…you read about how only YOU can overcome YOU! You are your worst enemy, get best that and you are so many steps ahead of everyone else!!
Oh and one last thing…the one thing I have got to sit back and watch and laugh my butt off….KARMA…it always gets ’em…and I never have to say or do anything, they accomplish it all on their own! After all, you reap what you sow!

Today is the day!!

I GET MY LIFE BACK!! Well or so I hope!! Actually, whether or not my doctor tells me I can or can’t, I am am taking charge of my life and taking it back! I am sick of not doing ANYTHING!! I am in pain whether I am laying in pain doing NOTHING or if I am doing my WODs, so I might as well be doing my WODs and feeling good in my head and hurting in my body…right?! LOL!!

I had a really great talk with LL & Tim yesterday! God couldn’t have blessed me with better business partners! I really had to put my pride aside and start focusing on the BIGGER picture! I know in the beginning it was my dream, but it turned into our dream and it is going to be AMAZING!! We are going to be helping SO MANY people in their lives…and isn’t that what it’s all about!!

I have decided to go back to school too…I am looking into financial aid! I am looking at rehabilitation schooling and also I have been told by a few hundred people to become a LIFE COACH and to WRITE A BOOK…so I praying about that too and seeing where God leads me.

All I know is doors are opening all over the place and I am receiving all of them…some are getting slammed in my face (and I will admit rejection sucks…but it makes you grow)! I take everything as a learning experience, how can I not!

As for my pain. I am where I will be for the rest of my life…the chronic part…until I get more surgeries or replacements done. So now it is just trying to manage it as best as I can. I know I will have my good days and bad ones…but I will just roll with it.

I also started my 18th tattoo yesterday…WOO HOO!! Oh my gosh…I absolutely love it so far…it is huge!!! It is taking two sittings…part one is done and part two will be done on the 20th of July! Then I am done! Well I have said that so many times before…but I do believe this is it! Though if I leave the sheriff’s office I can get my piercings back!! HECK YEAH!! (My family is gonna freak!!…lol)

I will post pics of the final tat when it’s complete…And I will blog tomorrow after my first WOD in MANY weeks!! See ya!!!