July 21, 2017

My hero….my dad

father I can go on and on about my dad. I could write a novel about his character, compassion, loyalty, selflessness and love. I don’t have any pictures of him holding me as a baby or walking hand in hand with him as a toddler. But what I do have is memories and no one can take those away.

dad2 I remember being his Christmas gift one year (I was actually gift wrapped). I remember him making tons of my Halloween costumes by hand every year.  I remember him never missing any of my swim meets or hearing him on the poolside cheering me on. I remember him scolding me when I went against his rules, but then his comforting nature after to talk about things. My dad gives the most amazing and wise advice, not that I always listened, but I love how he gave me the room to learn by mistakes and love me through them. I remember him never leaving my hospital bed side, all 4 times. He did things no father should have to do for his adult daughter. While being bed bound after each accident, he showered me, washed my hair, dyed my hair, shaved my legs, did therapy with me three times a day with tears streaming down my eyes but pushing through because he was there. I remember getting on my walker for the first time 9 months after my first accident (age 19) and taking 3 unassisted steps into his arms. I remember him being my Valentine many times. He has held my hand through tough times, comforted me before multiple surgeries, cared for my daughter when I was physically unable to, being my strength when I had none left, letting me cry when I needed to and telling me to suck it up when he knew I could. He loves me unconditionally, even in my darkest times, he found my silver lining.

father2 My dad has not only spoken words of love to me, he has shown them over and over again. I love him with all of me and he truly is my best friend and my hero. The only thing I will probably regret is that he will never walk his baby girl down the aisle or dance with me at my wedding…but he already has taken the first dance of the best thing that ever happened to me…he was my daughters first love and first dance!

best dad

Giving In and Giving Up, IS NOT AN OPTION!

give up 3 There are times in life when all you want to do is give in or even worse give up. I think I know this feeling better than most, unfortunately. There were many of times in my teen years that I wanted to just give in…give in to peer pressure, give in to being the best daughter possible, give in to friendships/relationships that were not healthy. Then I hit 18 and wow, did all that change!

Yes, at the early age of 18, I learned how NOT to give in or give up. What was acceptable to put up with and what was not. How a person should be treated and how you should treat others.

Are you wondering HOW I learned all this so young? Easy, almost die and battle way your back from the grave for almost 2 years and you learn a lot! 

nightmare

After my car accident on Christmas Eve back in 1993, my life changed forever, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. How could it not! But there was a fork in the road. The fork was, do I get bitter and negative about what the accident did to me and my life or do I look at it as a blessing and become positive. I battled with this for about 6 months, 6 months of doing the bitter and negative road. 6 months of being mad at God, being mad at my doctors/nurses/physical therapists, being mad at parents/family/friends…just all around being an angry person. Being stuck in a hospital bed will do that to you and not just stuck there, but being unable to move your entire body except your head and arms. Just watching people WALK in to my room pissed me off. The worst phrases said to me were “Just stay positive”, “It could be worse”, “at least you are still alive” or the infamous question “how are you?”… how are you

REALLY, do you want me to seriously answer that question truthfully!? Could you even handle the blunt honest truth of that answer?!

 

Then Kevin happened! No Kevin was not a new boyfriend; he was not of any love interest of that kind. But I did love him and besides my parents, I owe him a lot! Kevin became my night nurse. I barely ever slept and since I was the youngest on the floor (literally by like 60 years), he spent a lot of time in my room in the middle of the night just sitting with me and talking. Not telling me how I should feel or telling me to stay positive, but just being there. We talked about everything; we even talked about my accident. Something I never did. You see, I couldn’t remember much about it, but what I did remember were things I wish I could forget. Those memories are forever seared into my brain, my life. But here is where I owe Kevin a lot. One morning after a night shift and an extremely painful night for me (physically), I woke up to find only one thing written on my white board in my hospital room. Typically that white board had my instructions for the day, what tests I had scheduled, what time my physical therapy appointments were, my day nurses name and phone number, etc. But not that day…that day I woke to find just this:

phil 413

Now go kill it! Signed….Kevin

I had no clue Kevin was a Christian, I had no clue that he knew The Bible, I had no clue that when I did sleep he prayed over me.

I also woke to my dad sitting in a hospital chair right beside me; Kevin called him and told him I would really need him today. He was right!

This is when I decided to barrel down the side of the road of bitterness and negativity to the road that led to something greater…the road of my new life!! It literally was like a switch flipped and this new person appeared. I was no longer this weak fragile shell of a body in a hospital bed. I was determined, I was positive and most importantly…I was filled with life again!

That is when progress happened. My board never was wiped clean and nothing new was ever put on it. My days were filled with physical therapy, even when I was told to slow down, I didn’t. I had a goal! What was it? To walk again! I didn’t care if it meant with assistance, with crutches, a walker…I didn’t care. I was not being labeled by society and deemed an outcast because of this new life I was embarking on. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, that there would be many difficult days ahead of me, but I was ready to hit them all head on and be the one standing at the end.

Here is where I lost a lot of people in my life. Remember in the beginning I said how giving up and giving in is not an option. Here is where I tell you it is.

Confused yet?

Let me explain. It is NEVER ok for you to give in or give up when it comes to YOU, but it is absolutely ok to give in or give up on someone or something that is making you doubt your abilities and yourself. I have learned that life is too precious to care about hurting someone who is already hurting you. To worry that if you don’t give in to the way people want you to be, you will be alone. That if you aren’t doing, saying, being that perfect person at the perfect time, no one will love you.

Guess what!!!

Whether you do all of that or not…it will never matter. People will still come to their own reason or rationality on why they either like you or don’t, or if they choose to love you or not or if they even want to be a part of your life through the good and the bad. But here is where you get to have your say…you get to choose if they like you or don’t, if they will love you or not or if they stay or if they go. It’s all up to you. No one else holds the reigns in your life. The path you take is up to you. The decisions to be made are yours to make.

So it all comes down to this…

Never give in or give up on you…but it’s ok to walk away from the ones who have given up on you.

give up 2

12 NEGATIVE Thoughts That Are Holding You Back

534091_10151371574735984_1136144810_n-e1355950290748 “If we can’t change our thinking…we can’t change ANYTHING!”

1. There is so much that could go wrong.

Yes there is, but stop being afraid of all that COULD go wrong and start thinking about all that COULD go right! You should always look at what you have now and be thankful for it!!

2. I care what people think of me.

Stop worrying about what others think of you, ignore the rude people who talk about you, why give them that power over you! True strength comes from being wise enough to walk away with your head held high!

3. It will NEVER get better.

Are you serious? Start realizing that it takes baby steps, basically one day at a time. Some days it might be one moment at a time. Start appreciating every great moment that happens and don’t dwell on the speed bumps of life!

4. I can’t trust anyone.

Do you know that most of our true strengths come from the hurts and sufferings we have experienced? We often tend to close our hearts off because it’s not that we don’t trust others, it’s that we don’t trust ourselves enough to believe we can survive another pain.

200131_541886139172168_64377438_n5. My past is distinctive of my future.

Says who…you? So change it, only you can! All mistakes are a part of our growth process; they make our valuable experiences just that much more rewarding! Being defeated is only a temporary condition, it’s giving up that makes it permanent!

6. I will NEVER forgive you.

Guess what, you need to forgive them! Harboring unforgiveness is only hurting you! Look at this way; you should be thanking them for making you strong through the process!

7. I don’t have time to dream.

Want to know what’s worse…having no dream to go after! Remember you don’t have to see the whole staircase; you just have to take the first step! DREAM and DREAM BIG!!!

8. I’ll do what makes me happy…someday.

Forget someday…DO IT NOW! Today is the oldest you have ever been and also the youngest you will ever be, so how can it NOT be the perfect time to pursue your dreams and be happy doing it!

9. I am too unhappy to make anyone else happy.

Did you know that happiness is like a boomerang, just as smiles are too! Usually I find myself happiest when I am doing something that will make someone else happy, no strings attached. Then when you see them smile, it’s hard not to smile back!

10. I can’t. It’s too late. I’m not good enough.

Our attitude is what ultimately determines our journey. Never put condemning words against yourself. There is no can’t, it’s never too late, and exactly what are you not good enough for? Stop putting limitations on yourself!

11. I don’t like them because they’re broken.

Aren’t we all, in some way or another. Remember don’t assume someone is broken because of one moment in their life. Instead be the one who build them up, nurture them with understanding, have a caring heart, and look for the best in them. Leave them feeling a little stronger than before you got there!

12. Everyone else is doing it, so it must be right.

WRONG! Live your OWN life! Don’t hide who you are behind who someone else is. Stand up for what you believe in and never change who you are to FIT into anyone else’s world!

228351_311808412258155_1611281377_n

Hitler Had 1,000’s, Jesus Had 12!

Have you ever got mad and wondered why someone else has more followers than you? And you start, critiquing everything on their social media or website! Then you start saying things like, they aren’t this or they don’t have that…LIKE I DO!

Well, what really needs to happen is to look at your OWN followers, do they add substance to your site OR do they just add fluff comments (if any at all). Do your followers inspire, motivate, encourage, not only you, but your other followers too OR do they degrade, bash and complain about you and/or your followers.

When it comes to followers, I think it’s more about QUALITY than QUANITY! I want to be able to touch people’s lives where it counts! I want to be a light in this dark world, even if it’s just a glimmer. I want to motivate you to do more than what you ever thought you could! I want to inspire you to go after dreams and goals, that others said were impossible! I want to encourage you to take that momentum and pay it forward! All it takes is spark, to light a fire! But just as it only takes a spark to light a fire, it only takes one tear to fizzle out that spark! That one tear can come from a “follower worth having” given by a “follower not worth having”!

If I am blessed by having you be a part of this journey with me, I can promise you one thing, I will NOT put up with any rudeness, bashing or degrading. I will have no problem having 1 less follower, if it means I am protecting the heart and mind of others.

This is all new for me, but the one thing that is NOT new for me is morals, integrity, character and ethics! I look forward to taking this venture and getting more people finding their true beauty and happiness from within!

REMEMBER :

 

I’m a college gal…AGAIN!!

Monday I started my prereqs for the starting of my new journey!!  There are 8 classes, but I only have 5 to take. Each class is course intensive and online. Each class is only 4 weeks, with a midterm and final, along with open discussions (u have to participate in) and yep…research and term papers to write!! Am I crazy…nah…just want to get them done and over with. Then I get an 8 month break til my Program course begins for 6 months in class course work and then 10 months clinical work!!

I have been blessed with a job while going after my next career goal. They are completely behind me as a single mom and supporting me as I go back to college!! It is such a HUGE blessing!

So…I will try and get on here as often as I can, but it might be a week in between…unless something really needs to be written!! LOL!!